MY SOLDIER (HAPPY FATHER's DAY)

"My mama always said you've got to have a back up plan

because in this world dreams dont always come true
And even though you want to be a baseball player
You've got to learn a trade, just in case your dreams dont fall through"
thats wat he told me...as he began pouring out his life story

He had so much promise
I didnt know him then but I know him now and i can tell he was going far in life
he was a strong willed boy that would push passed all struggle and strife
with two kids and a wife, he looks back
he looks back @ the things he could have had
dreams destroyed by a man and his war
dreams destroyed by followed orders
and he tells me...he wouldn't change a thing
and i smile
everyday i see the results of the war
when it was all over his plans were slightly different from before
I couldnt begin to imagine how it would feel to get a birthday present of that sort
to walk out in an open field and have your life shaken up and turned upside down
I cant imagine what probably went through your mind as the world ended...or at least seemed like it did

One explosion

he had big dreams, he was gonna be a pro ball player
and i think he would have been great too
i mean i look @ him now and sumtimes, i find my self sitting back saying WOW
for complaints theres no room
how could i when he doesnt
even when he's wincing from the pain
he finds the strength in himself to still ensure me that everything is going to be okay
I wish i could take it all away
I wish i could go back in time and change that one day
make him walk a little more to the left or the right
even if it meant we would never cross paths

My father is my soldier, literally
he's like an agel in God's army
fighting thru air with his head held high
no sword, he carries no weapon just his faith
I've never seen him cry
I've never seen any emotion come out of him other than pure bravery
which makes sense because his purple heart is made of pure Gold
and hes a hero...which is why bronze stars are seen @ nite wen he's out so i've been told
if God recreated man....my father would be the mold
that trap lessened his stance but he's no less of a man

Looks can be deceiving, thats the story of his life
and you'd be suprised hearing his accomplishments @ first sight
2 days before his 21st birthday
and it would probably have only taken him 2 seconds to walk about 2 inches more to the right or left
but that day has made him who he is
that pointless war made him a hero
one man's foolish opinion was another mans downfall...and then upbringing
one man's foolish doings changed his life, for better and for worse
but its for better not for worse in my mind
because i couldkt imagine him any other way

my father walked out on the open field...scanning
and in an instant there was a flash
one explosion blowing his mind and his legs
and as all his dreams floated down the drain
his plans chaged
one explosion, in one instant
one & one make 2 days before is 21st birthday

the numbers add up and match perfectly dont they?
jus like my father, he measures up to all his fatherly duties
he's unstoppable
even by the landmind he stepped on
it took that one explosion to lessen his stance
but i already told you he no less of a man,
hes so much more
and no matter how many times life tries to knock him down he never hits the floor
which is why nowadays, when we play baseball, he hits the home room and i run the bases
its the basis of our system...he starts it out and i finish
its like i told you before he was gonna play professional baseball
so no matter how many curveballs life throws @ him he gonna hit em all

Im proud now
I used to be embarrassed to walk though the store with him
or to say to my friends...yo thats my dad
but as the years passed
my embarrassment has turned into pride
as Ive seen other peopls father's drop like dead flies
its like being a good father is no longer in style
but my dad doesnt rock the latest fads
he doesnt drive a benz
but he does ride on 24 inch rims everyday
and im proud to walk along his side as people stop and stare @
the double amputee vietnam vetean that I am more than honored to call my father
my mofern day hero
my inspiration
my soldier

Bacon Says...Greek Life

Greek organizations have been somewhat a big part of my life. I have many family members who are apart of the various greek organizations as well as frineds & just people I know. For those of you who don't know, the Black greek organizations, better known as the Divine Nine, include Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc., Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorrority Inc., Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc., Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc., Delta Sigma Theta Sorrority Inc., Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc., Zeta Phi Beta Sorrority Inc., Sigma Gamma Rho Sorrority Inc., & finally Iota Phi Theta Fraternity Inc. My mother, grandmother, godmother, & quite a few aunts & cousins are all apart of Alpha Kappa Alpha. I have a couple cousins who are Deltas and as far as the men go, there aren't too many involved in fraternities in my family. As far as my family goes, and often in most black families, joining a greek organization is about tradition. Most of the time offspring join the same organization as their parents, but sometimes it doesn't quite work out that way. It's all about which organization fits your personality and fulfills your desires. I asked a few people I've met this past school year about why they chose their specific greek organization.
First I asked Shannon Robinson, a member of Zeta Phi Beta. She joined in Spring 09. When I asked her why she joined ZPB she said "I wanted to be apart of an organization on campus that was involved in community service and be a part of a sisterhood where I wasn't just a number, but my opinion mattered. ZPB was the most comfortbale for me". Another thing she mentioned, which I have found common nowadays, is that she's the only person in her family that's a part of a greek oranization. I also asked Mathew Good about his decision. Mat became a brother of Iota Phi Theta in the Fall of 2006. He told me he joined the greek council as a part of family tradition but he chose Iota Phi Theta "because this organization is different". The last person I asked was Kiana Moaney. Ki is a member of Sigma Gamma Rho and joined in Spring 2008. Ki told me that she is also one of few in her family to join a greek oranization. She also told me that her parents are big fans of greek life but that she too wanted to be part of an organization and that the motto "Greater Service, Greater Progress, fit her perfectly.
From what I have personally observed, black greek organizations are very different from the non-black organizations. I think black people take their organizations more seriously because they were founded not just as social fraternities/sorrorities but as brotherhoods and sisterhoods to help each other at a time when all blacks had were each other. Now, although they have become a little more about popularity,they still strive for the advancement of the black community, service, scholarship and other positive things. I think thats what non-black greek organizations are about as well, popularity. The process itself does not seem like a serious matter. The non-black greeks may do a lot for their school as far as programs and other things, but what do they do after college? I have never heard of a person in a non-black greek organization even mention that they were apart of a greek organization, however with blacks, it is a life long decision and commitment, which is what it should be.

Mathew Good - Iota Phi Theta
Fall 06
Why? - A part of family tradition; because this organization is different.

Bacon Says...Ketchup

So I fell behind in blogging just because it kept slipping my mind. So, I'm gonna play catch-up tonight and post the missing links (blogs). So I was trying to do that whole National Poetry Writing Month thing but I feel behind. Somewhere along the way I lost the fuel to my fire. It kinda sucks but then again it's a great thing because the very thing that was stressing me out was riding on this one person and we finally had a talk that resulted in me hanging up in their face....they pissed me off! But now I can finally focus on better things, rather than people who aren't worth my time.  Back to NaPoWri, here are two of the last poems I wrote in honor of NaPoWri Month. The 1st one was inspired by a mother and son I kno and a poem she wrote for her son that I LOVE! The second was actually something I wrote for the person I am no longer friends with...shaking my head!


MIXED EMOTIONS
Find your culture my child
embrace you heritage full force
be proud of your mixed up background
embrace it all with no remorse
embrace them no matter how different
as different as they may all be
for we are all mixed up in some way
we all are some how family
Dont let you skin color define you
dont let them to you what to be
find out what's mixed up inside of you
make your own self identity
define yourself not by your struggles
and not by your tribulations or trials
make your own mark in history
leave a trail with triumphs for miles
Find your culture my child
embrace you heritage full force
be proud of your mixed up background
embrace it all wth no remorse
Say it LOUD, I'm mixed and I'm PROUD :)

SONG BIRD
Sing me a song little bird
Brighten my day with angelic chimes
Allow me to sway with the wind to your rhythm
Don’t rush our moment just take your time
Don’t fly away just land in my presence
Stay here with me and keep me company
Come to my window and sing in my presence
Sing my a lullaby and sing me to sleep
Take me to heaven on this sweet journey
Make me forget all my burdens today
Show me the path on which I should be traveling
Don’t ever let me walk astray
Tell me little song bird how it is to be free
Tell me what it feels like as you sing constantly
Please little song bird don’t ever cease
Tell me the truth of how things will be
Sing me a song little song bird
Share with me all your sights
to me please foretell the future
For as I am I cannot not fly
I wish to be like the song bird
living free as can be
So teach me how to fly little bird
Teach me a song to sing

Bacon Says...NaPoWriMo

So as you should know April is National Poetry Month. During this month a lot of poets will write one new poem each day to celebrate. I've always admired poets who could really sit down and write a full length EVERY DAY! Never thought I could complete the task but so far I've been keeping up pretty well! Luckily Julia reminded me because it had been on my mind but of course when April came it slipped my mind. For the frst five days I was really in a slump because I had no clue what to write about! I couldn't think of anything until I gave in a wrote Haikus for those five days. On the sixth day I foujnd some inspiration in talking to my parents and on the 7th day I used the writing assignment from class. And since then I've been finding enough motivation to crank out some pretty okay poems in my opinion. I've gotten some pretty good feedbackand this had truly been a good outlet because at the end of the day it feels nice to just sit down and let out my biggest frustration or just something small that's bothering me. I've been trying to write a "Love" poem to dedicate to one of my friends...hard though! So anyway here's my poem from day seven, which was the writing assignment from in class...

Origin of Hate…


Because I love you that much…
And when everything in the world is going wrong I can run to you
My safe haven
I need nothing more than your arms to hold me
When rivers are carving caters into my cheeks because life just isnt fair
And you make me smile
The sun rises in your eyes and dries
Everything is dry now
And im fine now

Because I love you that much…
No one else matter and I schedule my time around you
Because you make me feel important
And I cant think of a better feeling than to be wanted
No judgment…I can be myself
No worries about what tomorrow holds as long as you're there

Because I love you that much…
I put you on a pedestal
I made God jealous because I worshipped you
And you knew that…
Your ego shot up and pretty soon judgment fell from your lips like the water falling from the sky
The storm comes
And now im left alone and judged

Hate…that’s what I felt
No words to really describe it because it hadnt existed until this moment
and I cried again…and things were bad again
The sun stop rising because you never opened your eyes to see how you hurt me
You didn’t want to
So now im facing darkness with the rest of the world
And I'm the only one who knows why
And that’s the problem
There's no one else to run to

Hate spoken into existence
Never before used to described such a beautiful thing
But now….now beauty has no name
And the night is the only thing that falls upon our arrival
Rivers have found their way back to the craters where they once dwelt
On my cheeks…running down my face dripping onto the left side of my chest
Heart beats irregular…because hate is in my heart now
It has a name now…
Spoken into existence

Bacon Says...Curiosity Killed The Cat

I've always been a pretty curious person. I like to explore the unknown and ask a lot of questions. I like to discuss controversial topics to see how people react and then try to figure out why they reacted that way. I like to spice conversations up with crazy topics, ideas, and thoughts. I like for people to be left wondering when I leave them...like wtf? Lol When I went wandering off as a child or asked people a lot of questions my mother would say, "You know curiosity killed the cat!" But I didn't care, I want to know everything about everyone that I meet. SO, I ask questions that lead to other questions that eventually lead to the asnwer I was getting at all along. Anywho, this kind of does and kind of doesn't have anything to do with the poem I am about to share with you. It's in a way about a person who is curious to know how letting something out would affect their life. Kind of a collaboration of people I've met throughout life. I hope you enjoy it :)

u kno...kinda like wen u feel like u shoud say sumthin,

but yu fear it will mess up a gud thing,
but u also think "how could things get any worse"
then u remember wat life was like b4 them...
and yu wonder if yu'll regret wat u said after yu say it,
tho u hope it wont cuz u need the weight lifted off ur heart...

yep...thats where we are

Behind closed doors...
she walks around with her head lowered, avoiding eye contact
fearing that their eyes will pierce rite thru to her soul and find out the secret that lies within
fearing that acceptance will no longer be an option
just fearing...that the world will be turn right side up, becuz its already upside down

and she wonders,
it cant be true rite...because God wouldnt put sum1 in a situation that they cant handle
having faith that He wont let her struggle alone but still fearing that this will b the end
He wouldnt send yu into a war unprepared
and she knos she lacks the necessities
The armour: confidence

she cries...because she knows that no1 will understand
which is why she asks so many questions just to see if its even an option to open up
& wen she asks...she gets her answer...& its always the same
tho its still always been a question up until this point

[When she says thats not wat she wants...thats exactly what she means
its not denial...its realization and truth]

in public...
she puts up this front
telling every1 that when God was handing out hearts...he skipped her
she remained cold...& lonely
and even now, tho they think she is breaking out f her shell...shes only just becoming comfortable infront of the people whom she shouldve always been able to run to, but never was
in the new environment...
shes still hiding
wanting very badly to break out and start fresh...but realizing that it will haunt her
realizing she is all alone and that's her fault...for running away
but she couldnt help it...so could yu blame her
she tlks to the only person in this early world that she should be able to talk to...& nothing
no progress
so she puts up another front...for herself
she tries to convince herself that everything is going to be okay when deep down inside
...shes screaming
but in public shes got a smile plastered across her face
words cant even begin to describe how she feels
but flying seems to be her only option...& she debates on taking that way out


behind closed doors...
now shes pondering over how to handle the situation @ handshe tries to pray about it but finds that praying about sins may not be sucha grand idea...right?
she's still tryna convince herself that thats what she wants out of life
even tho deep down inside...
on the inside...

shes crying now
knowing that one thing she says could have a huge effect in the long run...

[ITS NOT FINISHED! but i hope you liked it]

Bacon Says...where do I fit in?

When I grow up one of my goals is to marry a mixed person. Does that sound kind of weird? Well here's the reason...I want mixed children. Does that sound shallow? You may be wondering why I want mixed children...even if you're not I'm going to tell you. So in case you didn't know, I'm mixed; black, white, and apparently some Indian. My biological mother looks clearly mixed with black and white. He mother was jewish and her father, I'm guessing, was black and Indian. I'm not completely sure about all of this but it's what my mom told me and also what my biological oldest sister said when I met her.

Anywho the real reason I want to marry a mixed individual and have mixed kids is because I have much faith that if we bring more people of mixed decent into this world, pretty soon it will be hard for racism to exist. I do believe that racism is part human nature and part learned behavior. So, if everyone in America was mixed and could trace back their roots to one ethnicity, then it would be very difficult to discriminate. Because I am a firm believer in this "theory" of mine I feel as though I should support it. I love interracial relationships and I love to mixed children, mainly because growing up mixed I definitely felt alone in the world. I was adopted by an all black family and there's only one person in my immediate family whom I am close in color to. When I was born, I looked asian, facial features and color. I was very pale/yellow and I believe I stuck out like a sore thumb. My parents aren't dark, but they don't exactly look like they could have produced some one of my color. Around the toddler through elementary school age, I was VERY PALE! I got made fun of because I was too light (or acted too "white") to hang with the black kids and I was too "black" to hang with the white kids. I was in a constant struggle with accepting who I was and what I was and that made me a pretty...emotionally disturbed (for lack of a better word) child. Now don't get me wrong, I was NOT crazy, but you could tell early on something was bothering me. Not being accepted by your own people, referring to African Americans, hurts more than anything else in the world. I was scarred as a child and still to this day when my friends make fun of me for being so light, its kind of hurts my feelings. I don't even think I'm that light! and when I say this to people...they laugh. I guess there is a pretty big difference between my arms and legs and my face lol. I often wondered, "where do I fit in?" when I was growing up. I identify with the black race simply becuase I know I look more black than I do white, and I must admit I semi agree with the "one drop rule". If you don't know what that is, basically if you have one "drop" of black anywhere in your family, your black. That was an old rule to identify mixed people and it is kind of racist but I mean hey, if you look black and you're mixed...you might as well just claim your black heritage.

Anywho, to my point, I want mixed children because I want them to grow up confident in themselves and to have a love for all of their heritage(s). I want to bring more mixed people into this world so that hopefully they can be advocates for my crazy theory that they will wipe out racism. As more people are becoming open anyway, I think the learned behavior related to racism will begin to diminish more within at least 50 years. I think when I have grandchildren or maybe even as late as great-grandchildren, it will be more socially accepted to be in an interracial relationship.

What do you guys think about this?

Bacon Says...spring break was less than a break

Spring Break was more stressful than I thought it would be. I had fun and I learned some valuable lessons too. Overall I had a good break. My mom & dad picked me up Friday after softball tryouts, which have been SUICIDE lately! My mother took forever to leave Blacksburg so I ended up getting home at around midnight. Then I hopped in my baby and drove to my best friend’s house to get her. We stayed in Petersburg with my older sister and the next morning I went to meet my oldest biological sister, Bergitta. She was really cool and kind of quiet. I felt like I had known her for a while and we were just catching up. After talking with her for a little while, I invited her to come with us to my little cousin’s birthday party. That was pretty interesting. She got to meet my “crazy” family members and they were nothing shy of entertaining.


Other than hanging with my best friend and my sister for the week I was also running errands and trying to stay on top of my school work; “studying” and what not. I also got to see one of my friends that I had not seen in like 2 years because she moved to North Carolina. Then I spent the night with her at our other best friend’s house. Her mom was upset with me because before we got to talk I had to run home to do some homework again! Monday was a fairly rough day for me. It started out well but because of some prior issues I almost lost one of my best friends  . Luckily we were able to work out our problems and we’re back to being best friends again. I also went to visit my VCU friends, who were very happy to see me. I had missed them so much! We got to catch up on a lot of things I missed.

I went bowling one night with some old “friends”. Not really my friends anymore, except for my MAMA Olivia! That was one of my best friends in high school. I had not seen her since the middle of the summer when she had her baby, my little sister! She is soooo big now and extremely adorable. I had fun bowling. That day was really busy because I had to rush from Petersburg to Richmond to take my best friend to work then my sister called and wanted me to bring her home from school so I went back to Petersburg, loaded all of her things and took her home. My sister is on Spring Break this week.

I was kind of sad because I didn’t get to go back to see my sister Bergitta before I left but I’m glad I got to meet her! I miss her already, my other sister and I had a really nice talk with her about our families and what not. Now I’m back at school and my sister Dahlia is staying with me. She slept all day because she’s super lazy, but I made her get up and go to my last class with me. Then we walked around for a while and got lunch. Now we’re chilling in my room. I just cooked her dinner, it’s sooooooooooooooooooo GOOD!

Now I’m about to watch Rip the Runway on BET. I’m not into fashion but Nicki Minaj is hosting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you all know how much I LOVE NICKI! Bye now 