Bacon Says...I'm numb, yet I feel your pain, but who feels mine if I don't?

You ever sit in a therapy session and think about how badly you need to see a therapist??? Some times I wonder, if anybody hears me...I mean I know you're listening, but are you really comprehending the things that I subliminally tweet about. Like how I've just about given up on life and so many times I've thought about really giving up on life, but I didn't...which leads me to wonder why? What keeps me getting out of the bed in the morning? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow? And how is this a rainbow if the only color I'm seeing right now is gray. I've been colorblind for a while now, and the only thing I see in color is the one thing I want to see yet know I shouldn't see...see there it goes again, that subliminal shit I keep spittin' out. Geeze, sometimes I wish I could just say what I really want to say. I await the day that I stop wondering, and wonder what will go through my mind, which is constantly wandering on subjects I don't think it should be focusing on.
Anyway, getting to the point, I express the things that other people feel because I'm not really sure what I feel...don't think I'm crazy, just know that this is what happens when your mind wanders on things it probably shouldn't wandering on, repetitive...but repetition leads to perfection, so pause, rewind, & repeat...you may catch something you didn't see the first time around.

Okay, enough bull shittin' here's a poem for you...

so um yea....no title again....response to dahlias why i don come home i guess
sorry its lng....n dnt b alarmed by its content lol...they're just words

I just cant giv up cuz i got too much to lose...
but dont get it twisted and dont get confused
cuz im willin to lose everything for the ability to choose
my own emotions...
cuz ur words are like potions...
theyre fuckin demandin and quite controllin
they make my heartache and my soul ill
& i hate the image n the mirror that reflects back
wen i see it its like cough cough...hack...
im sick so get da fuk back
so i open that medicine cabinet and get da pills
& i just stand there starin cuz i kno my pain they'll heal
i dnt believe dis shit can be real...
its like i wana sign a contract and seal the deal
and forever more i will live n my fantasy world
where i do as i please, runnin free again like a little girl
I hear music in my head which keeps me from going to sleep
dats y i ask u to sing to me
cuz da music i hear when im layin in bed is like a symphany
story of my life, shit is down rite depressing
i feel like im goin insane instead of going to sleep
Im lonely...
I just need someone to hold me
and im not desperate, im not talkin intamacy
Im talkin bout that touch so motherly
like when you'd hold me as a baby so tenderly
r u feelin me???
i just want things to go bak to the way they used to be
but i kno that can never be
so that sweet thought of suicide
a word that makes me feel like a failure even though ive never tired
so scared it wouldnt work sometimes i just sit and cry
but the biggest failure in life is what you've failed to try
so why keep puttin down the gun, why not grab that knife
when u cant think of nething worth living life

then i rmember, I just cant give up cuz i got too much to lose...
but dont get it twisted & dont get confused
cuz im willin to lose everything for the ability to choose
my own paths...
my life is a damn equation im living math
things aint addin up, i need to subtract
so if dat means u then u really cant b mad
i kno u think im wrong but im actualy not
i mite stick around jus to see u rot
cuz karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around
so instead of doin the deed ill jus skip town
and by the time i come bak i hope ur still around
so i can see u when u hit da ground
I can just imagine you fallin to ur knees
beggin for mercy, cuz hopefully, you'll see what ive come to be
and it'll be no thanks to you
and yet it will becuz all the shit you put me through.....has made me stronger
I live my life by false promises that things will get better
I call them false because promises are meant to be broken right???
I realize that more & more, steady tryna put it outta mind and you outta sight
I call them false because as I look @ my sister I see that things only progressively got worse
I figured when she left Itd be the end of her curse
and i was happy for her knowing that she'd be free
but things havent changed a bit, she gets dat second hand bull, shit just aint affectin her directly
So what do i have to look forward to???
when i come home for holidays & breaks da same shit i be goin through
Im so fed up with the bullshit, its like my head is full of it
and im just so sick and tired of it, but Ima try not to quit
cuz there's so many other ppl i couldnt imagine not bein wit
Ima keep puttin down those weapons of mass destruction
and stayin away from sites of construction
Ima avoid bein n your presence & hearin ur fussin
as i prepare for my period of reconstruction
thats rite im reconstructin....my life
and while some things will stay the same others wont
Im sick of your tired excuses so dont
you cant come bak in, my fogiveness you wont win, my life you cant live....so stop tryin
Im through with you
I may say some rude shit but deep down inside i love you
& regardless of what you do Im still finished.....
so i guess its that time of the month...end of the sentence(.)