Bacon Says...Curiosity Killed The Cat

I've always been a pretty curious person. I like to explore the unknown and ask a lot of questions. I like to discuss controversial topics to see how people react and then try to figure out why they reacted that way. I like to spice conversations up with crazy topics, ideas, and thoughts. I like for people to be left wondering when I leave them...like wtf? Lol When I went wandering off as a child or asked people a lot of questions my mother would say, "You know curiosity killed the cat!" But I didn't care, I want to know everything about everyone that I meet. SO, I ask questions that lead to other questions that eventually lead to the asnwer I was getting at all along. Anywho, this kind of does and kind of doesn't have anything to do with the poem I am about to share with you. It's in a way about a person who is curious to know how letting something out would affect their life. Kind of a collaboration of people I've met throughout life. I hope you enjoy it :)

u kno...kinda like wen u feel like u shoud say sumthin,

but yu fear it will mess up a gud thing,
but u also think "how could things get any worse"
then u remember wat life was like b4 them...
and yu wonder if yu'll regret wat u said after yu say it,
tho u hope it wont cuz u need the weight lifted off ur heart...

yep...thats where we are

Behind closed doors...
she walks around with her head lowered, avoiding eye contact
fearing that their eyes will pierce rite thru to her soul and find out the secret that lies within
fearing that acceptance will no longer be an option
just fearing...that the world will be turn right side up, becuz its already upside down

and she wonders,
it cant be true rite...because God wouldnt put sum1 in a situation that they cant handle
having faith that He wont let her struggle alone but still fearing that this will b the end
He wouldnt send yu into a war unprepared
and she knos she lacks the necessities
The armour: confidence

she cries...because she knows that no1 will understand
which is why she asks so many questions just to see if its even an option to open up
& wen she asks...she gets her answer...& its always the same
tho its still always been a question up until this point

[When she says thats not wat she wants...thats exactly what she means
its not denial...its realization and truth]

in public...
she puts up this front
telling every1 that when God was handing out hearts...he skipped her
she remained cold...& lonely
and even now, tho they think she is breaking out f her shell...shes only just becoming comfortable infront of the people whom she shouldve always been able to run to, but never was
in the new environment...
shes still hiding
wanting very badly to break out and start fresh...but realizing that it will haunt her
realizing she is all alone and that's her fault...for running away
but she couldnt help it...so could yu blame her
she tlks to the only person in this early world that she should be able to talk to...& nothing
no progress
so she puts up another front...for herself
she tries to convince herself that everything is going to be okay when deep down inside
...shes screaming
but in public shes got a smile plastered across her face
words cant even begin to describe how she feels
but flying seems to be her only option...& she debates on taking that way out


behind closed doors...
now shes pondering over how to handle the situation @ handshe tries to pray about it but finds that praying about sins may not be sucha grand idea...right?
she's still tryna convince herself that thats what she wants out of life
even tho deep down inside...
on the inside...

shes crying now
knowing that one thing she says could have a huge effect in the long run...

[ITS NOT FINISHED! but i hope you liked it]

Bacon Says...where do I fit in?

When I grow up one of my goals is to marry a mixed person. Does that sound kind of weird? Well here's the reason...I want mixed children. Does that sound shallow? You may be wondering why I want mixed children...even if you're not I'm going to tell you. So in case you didn't know, I'm mixed; black, white, and apparently some Indian. My biological mother looks clearly mixed with black and white. He mother was jewish and her father, I'm guessing, was black and Indian. I'm not completely sure about all of this but it's what my mom told me and also what my biological oldest sister said when I met her.

Anywho the real reason I want to marry a mixed individual and have mixed kids is because I have much faith that if we bring more people of mixed decent into this world, pretty soon it will be hard for racism to exist. I do believe that racism is part human nature and part learned behavior. So, if everyone in America was mixed and could trace back their roots to one ethnicity, then it would be very difficult to discriminate. Because I am a firm believer in this "theory" of mine I feel as though I should support it. I love interracial relationships and I love to mixed children, mainly because growing up mixed I definitely felt alone in the world. I was adopted by an all black family and there's only one person in my immediate family whom I am close in color to. When I was born, I looked asian, facial features and color. I was very pale/yellow and I believe I stuck out like a sore thumb. My parents aren't dark, but they don't exactly look like they could have produced some one of my color. Around the toddler through elementary school age, I was VERY PALE! I got made fun of because I was too light (or acted too "white") to hang with the black kids and I was too "black" to hang with the white kids. I was in a constant struggle with accepting who I was and what I was and that made me a pretty...emotionally disturbed (for lack of a better word) child. Now don't get me wrong, I was NOT crazy, but you could tell early on something was bothering me. Not being accepted by your own people, referring to African Americans, hurts more than anything else in the world. I was scarred as a child and still to this day when my friends make fun of me for being so light, its kind of hurts my feelings. I don't even think I'm that light! and when I say this to people...they laugh. I guess there is a pretty big difference between my arms and legs and my face lol. I often wondered, "where do I fit in?" when I was growing up. I identify with the black race simply becuase I know I look more black than I do white, and I must admit I semi agree with the "one drop rule". If you don't know what that is, basically if you have one "drop" of black anywhere in your family, your black. That was an old rule to identify mixed people and it is kind of racist but I mean hey, if you look black and you're mixed...you might as well just claim your black heritage.

Anywho, to my point, I want mixed children because I want them to grow up confident in themselves and to have a love for all of their heritage(s). I want to bring more mixed people into this world so that hopefully they can be advocates for my crazy theory that they will wipe out racism. As more people are becoming open anyway, I think the learned behavior related to racism will begin to diminish more within at least 50 years. I think when I have grandchildren or maybe even as late as great-grandchildren, it will be more socially accepted to be in an interracial relationship.

What do you guys think about this?

Bacon Says...spring break was less than a break

Spring Break was more stressful than I thought it would be. I had fun and I learned some valuable lessons too. Overall I had a good break. My mom & dad picked me up Friday after softball tryouts, which have been SUICIDE lately! My mother took forever to leave Blacksburg so I ended up getting home at around midnight. Then I hopped in my baby and drove to my best friend’s house to get her. We stayed in Petersburg with my older sister and the next morning I went to meet my oldest biological sister, Bergitta. She was really cool and kind of quiet. I felt like I had known her for a while and we were just catching up. After talking with her for a little while, I invited her to come with us to my little cousin’s birthday party. That was pretty interesting. She got to meet my “crazy” family members and they were nothing shy of entertaining.


Other than hanging with my best friend and my sister for the week I was also running errands and trying to stay on top of my school work; “studying” and what not. I also got to see one of my friends that I had not seen in like 2 years because she moved to North Carolina. Then I spent the night with her at our other best friend’s house. Her mom was upset with me because before we got to talk I had to run home to do some homework again! Monday was a fairly rough day for me. It started out well but because of some prior issues I almost lost one of my best friends  . Luckily we were able to work out our problems and we’re back to being best friends again. I also went to visit my VCU friends, who were very happy to see me. I had missed them so much! We got to catch up on a lot of things I missed.

I went bowling one night with some old “friends”. Not really my friends anymore, except for my MAMA Olivia! That was one of my best friends in high school. I had not seen her since the middle of the summer when she had her baby, my little sister! She is soooo big now and extremely adorable. I had fun bowling. That day was really busy because I had to rush from Petersburg to Richmond to take my best friend to work then my sister called and wanted me to bring her home from school so I went back to Petersburg, loaded all of her things and took her home. My sister is on Spring Break this week.

I was kind of sad because I didn’t get to go back to see my sister Bergitta before I left but I’m glad I got to meet her! I miss her already, my other sister and I had a really nice talk with her about our families and what not. Now I’m back at school and my sister Dahlia is staying with me. She slept all day because she’s super lazy, but I made her get up and go to my last class with me. Then we walked around for a while and got lunch. Now we’re chilling in my room. I just cooked her dinner, it’s sooooooooooooooooooo GOOD!

Now I’m about to watch Rip the Runway on BET. I’m not into fashion but Nicki Minaj is hosting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you all know how much I LOVE NICKI! Bye now 