MY SOLDIER (HAPPY FATHER's DAY)

"My mama always said you've got to have a back up plan

because in this world dreams dont always come true
And even though you want to be a baseball player
You've got to learn a trade, just in case your dreams dont fall through"
thats wat he told me...as he began pouring out his life story

He had so much promise
I didnt know him then but I know him now and i can tell he was going far in life
he was a strong willed boy that would push passed all struggle and strife
with two kids and a wife, he looks back
he looks back @ the things he could have had
dreams destroyed by a man and his war
dreams destroyed by followed orders
and he tells me...he wouldn't change a thing
and i smile
everyday i see the results of the war
when it was all over his plans were slightly different from before
I couldnt begin to imagine how it would feel to get a birthday present of that sort
to walk out in an open field and have your life shaken up and turned upside down
I cant imagine what probably went through your mind as the world ended...or at least seemed like it did

One explosion

he had big dreams, he was gonna be a pro ball player
and i think he would have been great too
i mean i look @ him now and sumtimes, i find my self sitting back saying WOW
for complaints theres no room
how could i when he doesnt
even when he's wincing from the pain
he finds the strength in himself to still ensure me that everything is going to be okay
I wish i could take it all away
I wish i could go back in time and change that one day
make him walk a little more to the left or the right
even if it meant we would never cross paths

My father is my soldier, literally
he's like an agel in God's army
fighting thru air with his head held high
no sword, he carries no weapon just his faith
I've never seen him cry
I've never seen any emotion come out of him other than pure bravery
which makes sense because his purple heart is made of pure Gold
and hes a hero...which is why bronze stars are seen @ nite wen he's out so i've been told
if God recreated man....my father would be the mold
that trap lessened his stance but he's no less of a man

Looks can be deceiving, thats the story of his life
and you'd be suprised hearing his accomplishments @ first sight
2 days before his 21st birthday
and it would probably have only taken him 2 seconds to walk about 2 inches more to the right or left
but that day has made him who he is
that pointless war made him a hero
one man's foolish opinion was another mans downfall...and then upbringing
one man's foolish doings changed his life, for better and for worse
but its for better not for worse in my mind
because i couldkt imagine him any other way

my father walked out on the open field...scanning
and in an instant there was a flash
one explosion blowing his mind and his legs
and as all his dreams floated down the drain
his plans chaged
one explosion, in one instant
one & one make 2 days before is 21st birthday

the numbers add up and match perfectly dont they?
jus like my father, he measures up to all his fatherly duties
he's unstoppable
even by the landmind he stepped on
it took that one explosion to lessen his stance
but i already told you he no less of a man,
hes so much more
and no matter how many times life tries to knock him down he never hits the floor
which is why nowadays, when we play baseball, he hits the home room and i run the bases
its the basis of our system...he starts it out and i finish
its like i told you before he was gonna play professional baseball
so no matter how many curveballs life throws @ him he gonna hit em all

Im proud now
I used to be embarrassed to walk though the store with him
or to say to my friends...yo thats my dad
but as the years passed
my embarrassment has turned into pride
as Ive seen other peopls father's drop like dead flies
its like being a good father is no longer in style
but my dad doesnt rock the latest fads
he doesnt drive a benz
but he does ride on 24 inch rims everyday
and im proud to walk along his side as people stop and stare @
the double amputee vietnam vetean that I am more than honored to call my father
my mofern day hero
my inspiration
my soldier

Bacon Says...Greek Life

Greek organizations have been somewhat a big part of my life. I have many family members who are apart of the various greek organizations as well as frineds & just people I know. For those of you who don't know, the Black greek organizations, better known as the Divine Nine, include Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc., Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorrority Inc., Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc., Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc., Delta Sigma Theta Sorrority Inc., Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc., Zeta Phi Beta Sorrority Inc., Sigma Gamma Rho Sorrority Inc., & finally Iota Phi Theta Fraternity Inc. My mother, grandmother, godmother, & quite a few aunts & cousins are all apart of Alpha Kappa Alpha. I have a couple cousins who are Deltas and as far as the men go, there aren't too many involved in fraternities in my family. As far as my family goes, and often in most black families, joining a greek organization is about tradition. Most of the time offspring join the same organization as their parents, but sometimes it doesn't quite work out that way. It's all about which organization fits your personality and fulfills your desires. I asked a few people I've met this past school year about why they chose their specific greek organization.
First I asked Shannon Robinson, a member of Zeta Phi Beta. She joined in Spring 09. When I asked her why she joined ZPB she said "I wanted to be apart of an organization on campus that was involved in community service and be a part of a sisterhood where I wasn't just a number, but my opinion mattered. ZPB was the most comfortbale for me". Another thing she mentioned, which I have found common nowadays, is that she's the only person in her family that's a part of a greek oranization. I also asked Mathew Good about his decision. Mat became a brother of Iota Phi Theta in the Fall of 2006. He told me he joined the greek council as a part of family tradition but he chose Iota Phi Theta "because this organization is different". The last person I asked was Kiana Moaney. Ki is a member of Sigma Gamma Rho and joined in Spring 2008. Ki told me that she is also one of few in her family to join a greek oranization. She also told me that her parents are big fans of greek life but that she too wanted to be part of an organization and that the motto "Greater Service, Greater Progress, fit her perfectly.
From what I have personally observed, black greek organizations are very different from the non-black organizations. I think black people take their organizations more seriously because they were founded not just as social fraternities/sorrorities but as brotherhoods and sisterhoods to help each other at a time when all blacks had were each other. Now, although they have become a little more about popularity,they still strive for the advancement of the black community, service, scholarship and other positive things. I think thats what non-black greek organizations are about as well, popularity. The process itself does not seem like a serious matter. The non-black greeks may do a lot for their school as far as programs and other things, but what do they do after college? I have never heard of a person in a non-black greek organization even mention that they were apart of a greek organization, however with blacks, it is a life long decision and commitment, which is what it should be.

Mathew Good - Iota Phi Theta
Fall 06
Why? - A part of family tradition; because this organization is different.

Bacon Says...Ketchup

So I fell behind in blogging just because it kept slipping my mind. So, I'm gonna play catch-up tonight and post the missing links (blogs). So I was trying to do that whole National Poetry Writing Month thing but I feel behind. Somewhere along the way I lost the fuel to my fire. It kinda sucks but then again it's a great thing because the very thing that was stressing me out was riding on this one person and we finally had a talk that resulted in me hanging up in their face....they pissed me off! But now I can finally focus on better things, rather than people who aren't worth my time.  Back to NaPoWri, here are two of the last poems I wrote in honor of NaPoWri Month. The 1st one was inspired by a mother and son I kno and a poem she wrote for her son that I LOVE! The second was actually something I wrote for the person I am no longer friends with...shaking my head!


MIXED EMOTIONS
Find your culture my child
embrace you heritage full force
be proud of your mixed up background
embrace it all with no remorse
embrace them no matter how different
as different as they may all be
for we are all mixed up in some way
we all are some how family
Dont let you skin color define you
dont let them to you what to be
find out what's mixed up inside of you
make your own self identity
define yourself not by your struggles
and not by your tribulations or trials
make your own mark in history
leave a trail with triumphs for miles
Find your culture my child
embrace you heritage full force
be proud of your mixed up background
embrace it all wth no remorse
Say it LOUD, I'm mixed and I'm PROUD :)

SONG BIRD
Sing me a song little bird
Brighten my day with angelic chimes
Allow me to sway with the wind to your rhythm
Don’t rush our moment just take your time
Don’t fly away just land in my presence
Stay here with me and keep me company
Come to my window and sing in my presence
Sing my a lullaby and sing me to sleep
Take me to heaven on this sweet journey
Make me forget all my burdens today
Show me the path on which I should be traveling
Don’t ever let me walk astray
Tell me little song bird how it is to be free
Tell me what it feels like as you sing constantly
Please little song bird don’t ever cease
Tell me the truth of how things will be
Sing me a song little song bird
Share with me all your sights
to me please foretell the future
For as I am I cannot not fly
I wish to be like the song bird
living free as can be
So teach me how to fly little bird
Teach me a song to sing

Bacon Says...NaPoWriMo

So as you should know April is National Poetry Month. During this month a lot of poets will write one new poem each day to celebrate. I've always admired poets who could really sit down and write a full length EVERY DAY! Never thought I could complete the task but so far I've been keeping up pretty well! Luckily Julia reminded me because it had been on my mind but of course when April came it slipped my mind. For the frst five days I was really in a slump because I had no clue what to write about! I couldn't think of anything until I gave in a wrote Haikus for those five days. On the sixth day I foujnd some inspiration in talking to my parents and on the 7th day I used the writing assignment from class. And since then I've been finding enough motivation to crank out some pretty okay poems in my opinion. I've gotten some pretty good feedbackand this had truly been a good outlet because at the end of the day it feels nice to just sit down and let out my biggest frustration or just something small that's bothering me. I've been trying to write a "Love" poem to dedicate to one of my friends...hard though! So anyway here's my poem from day seven, which was the writing assignment from in class...

Origin of Hate…


Because I love you that much…
And when everything in the world is going wrong I can run to you
My safe haven
I need nothing more than your arms to hold me
When rivers are carving caters into my cheeks because life just isnt fair
And you make me smile
The sun rises in your eyes and dries
Everything is dry now
And im fine now

Because I love you that much…
No one else matter and I schedule my time around you
Because you make me feel important
And I cant think of a better feeling than to be wanted
No judgment…I can be myself
No worries about what tomorrow holds as long as you're there

Because I love you that much…
I put you on a pedestal
I made God jealous because I worshipped you
And you knew that…
Your ego shot up and pretty soon judgment fell from your lips like the water falling from the sky
The storm comes
And now im left alone and judged

Hate…that’s what I felt
No words to really describe it because it hadnt existed until this moment
and I cried again…and things were bad again
The sun stop rising because you never opened your eyes to see how you hurt me
You didn’t want to
So now im facing darkness with the rest of the world
And I'm the only one who knows why
And that’s the problem
There's no one else to run to

Hate spoken into existence
Never before used to described such a beautiful thing
But now….now beauty has no name
And the night is the only thing that falls upon our arrival
Rivers have found their way back to the craters where they once dwelt
On my cheeks…running down my face dripping onto the left side of my chest
Heart beats irregular…because hate is in my heart now
It has a name now…
Spoken into existence

Bacon Says...Curiosity Killed The Cat

I've always been a pretty curious person. I like to explore the unknown and ask a lot of questions. I like to discuss controversial topics to see how people react and then try to figure out why they reacted that way. I like to spice conversations up with crazy topics, ideas, and thoughts. I like for people to be left wondering when I leave them...like wtf? Lol When I went wandering off as a child or asked people a lot of questions my mother would say, "You know curiosity killed the cat!" But I didn't care, I want to know everything about everyone that I meet. SO, I ask questions that lead to other questions that eventually lead to the asnwer I was getting at all along. Anywho, this kind of does and kind of doesn't have anything to do with the poem I am about to share with you. It's in a way about a person who is curious to know how letting something out would affect their life. Kind of a collaboration of people I've met throughout life. I hope you enjoy it :)

u kno...kinda like wen u feel like u shoud say sumthin,

but yu fear it will mess up a gud thing,
but u also think "how could things get any worse"
then u remember wat life was like b4 them...
and yu wonder if yu'll regret wat u said after yu say it,
tho u hope it wont cuz u need the weight lifted off ur heart...

yep...thats where we are

Behind closed doors...
she walks around with her head lowered, avoiding eye contact
fearing that their eyes will pierce rite thru to her soul and find out the secret that lies within
fearing that acceptance will no longer be an option
just fearing...that the world will be turn right side up, becuz its already upside down

and she wonders,
it cant be true rite...because God wouldnt put sum1 in a situation that they cant handle
having faith that He wont let her struggle alone but still fearing that this will b the end
He wouldnt send yu into a war unprepared
and she knos she lacks the necessities
The armour: confidence

she cries...because she knows that no1 will understand
which is why she asks so many questions just to see if its even an option to open up
& wen she asks...she gets her answer...& its always the same
tho its still always been a question up until this point

[When she says thats not wat she wants...thats exactly what she means
its not denial...its realization and truth]

in public...
she puts up this front
telling every1 that when God was handing out hearts...he skipped her
she remained cold...& lonely
and even now, tho they think she is breaking out f her shell...shes only just becoming comfortable infront of the people whom she shouldve always been able to run to, but never was
in the new environment...
shes still hiding
wanting very badly to break out and start fresh...but realizing that it will haunt her
realizing she is all alone and that's her fault...for running away
but she couldnt help it...so could yu blame her
she tlks to the only person in this early world that she should be able to talk to...& nothing
no progress
so she puts up another front...for herself
she tries to convince herself that everything is going to be okay when deep down inside
...shes screaming
but in public shes got a smile plastered across her face
words cant even begin to describe how she feels
but flying seems to be her only option...& she debates on taking that way out


behind closed doors...
now shes pondering over how to handle the situation @ handshe tries to pray about it but finds that praying about sins may not be sucha grand idea...right?
she's still tryna convince herself that thats what she wants out of life
even tho deep down inside...
on the inside...

shes crying now
knowing that one thing she says could have a huge effect in the long run...

[ITS NOT FINISHED! but i hope you liked it]

Bacon Says...where do I fit in?

When I grow up one of my goals is to marry a mixed person. Does that sound kind of weird? Well here's the reason...I want mixed children. Does that sound shallow? You may be wondering why I want mixed children...even if you're not I'm going to tell you. So in case you didn't know, I'm mixed; black, white, and apparently some Indian. My biological mother looks clearly mixed with black and white. He mother was jewish and her father, I'm guessing, was black and Indian. I'm not completely sure about all of this but it's what my mom told me and also what my biological oldest sister said when I met her.

Anywho the real reason I want to marry a mixed individual and have mixed kids is because I have much faith that if we bring more people of mixed decent into this world, pretty soon it will be hard for racism to exist. I do believe that racism is part human nature and part learned behavior. So, if everyone in America was mixed and could trace back their roots to one ethnicity, then it would be very difficult to discriminate. Because I am a firm believer in this "theory" of mine I feel as though I should support it. I love interracial relationships and I love to mixed children, mainly because growing up mixed I definitely felt alone in the world. I was adopted by an all black family and there's only one person in my immediate family whom I am close in color to. When I was born, I looked asian, facial features and color. I was very pale/yellow and I believe I stuck out like a sore thumb. My parents aren't dark, but they don't exactly look like they could have produced some one of my color. Around the toddler through elementary school age, I was VERY PALE! I got made fun of because I was too light (or acted too "white") to hang with the black kids and I was too "black" to hang with the white kids. I was in a constant struggle with accepting who I was and what I was and that made me a pretty...emotionally disturbed (for lack of a better word) child. Now don't get me wrong, I was NOT crazy, but you could tell early on something was bothering me. Not being accepted by your own people, referring to African Americans, hurts more than anything else in the world. I was scarred as a child and still to this day when my friends make fun of me for being so light, its kind of hurts my feelings. I don't even think I'm that light! and when I say this to people...they laugh. I guess there is a pretty big difference between my arms and legs and my face lol. I often wondered, "where do I fit in?" when I was growing up. I identify with the black race simply becuase I know I look more black than I do white, and I must admit I semi agree with the "one drop rule". If you don't know what that is, basically if you have one "drop" of black anywhere in your family, your black. That was an old rule to identify mixed people and it is kind of racist but I mean hey, if you look black and you're mixed...you might as well just claim your black heritage.

Anywho, to my point, I want mixed children because I want them to grow up confident in themselves and to have a love for all of their heritage(s). I want to bring more mixed people into this world so that hopefully they can be advocates for my crazy theory that they will wipe out racism. As more people are becoming open anyway, I think the learned behavior related to racism will begin to diminish more within at least 50 years. I think when I have grandchildren or maybe even as late as great-grandchildren, it will be more socially accepted to be in an interracial relationship.

What do you guys think about this?

Bacon Says...spring break was less than a break

Spring Break was more stressful than I thought it would be. I had fun and I learned some valuable lessons too. Overall I had a good break. My mom & dad picked me up Friday after softball tryouts, which have been SUICIDE lately! My mother took forever to leave Blacksburg so I ended up getting home at around midnight. Then I hopped in my baby and drove to my best friend’s house to get her. We stayed in Petersburg with my older sister and the next morning I went to meet my oldest biological sister, Bergitta. She was really cool and kind of quiet. I felt like I had known her for a while and we were just catching up. After talking with her for a little while, I invited her to come with us to my little cousin’s birthday party. That was pretty interesting. She got to meet my “crazy” family members and they were nothing shy of entertaining.


Other than hanging with my best friend and my sister for the week I was also running errands and trying to stay on top of my school work; “studying” and what not. I also got to see one of my friends that I had not seen in like 2 years because she moved to North Carolina. Then I spent the night with her at our other best friend’s house. Her mom was upset with me because before we got to talk I had to run home to do some homework again! Monday was a fairly rough day for me. It started out well but because of some prior issues I almost lost one of my best friends  . Luckily we were able to work out our problems and we’re back to being best friends again. I also went to visit my VCU friends, who were very happy to see me. I had missed them so much! We got to catch up on a lot of things I missed.

I went bowling one night with some old “friends”. Not really my friends anymore, except for my MAMA Olivia! That was one of my best friends in high school. I had not seen her since the middle of the summer when she had her baby, my little sister! She is soooo big now and extremely adorable. I had fun bowling. That day was really busy because I had to rush from Petersburg to Richmond to take my best friend to work then my sister called and wanted me to bring her home from school so I went back to Petersburg, loaded all of her things and took her home. My sister is on Spring Break this week.

I was kind of sad because I didn’t get to go back to see my sister Bergitta before I left but I’m glad I got to meet her! I miss her already, my other sister and I had a really nice talk with her about our families and what not. Now I’m back at school and my sister Dahlia is staying with me. She slept all day because she’s super lazy, but I made her get up and go to my last class with me. Then we walked around for a while and got lunch. Now we’re chilling in my room. I just cooked her dinner, it’s sooooooooooooooooooo GOOD!

Now I’m about to watch Rip the Runway on BET. I’m not into fashion but Nicki Minaj is hosting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you all know how much I LOVE NICKI! Bye now 

Bacon Says...I can't help but wait :)

I'm so very excited for spring break, not just because of the fact that I get to catch up on sleep, but because I get to meet somebody!!!! Who??? MY SISTER!

Ok, that may sound a lil weird, but most people who know me also know that I was adopted and so was my sister Dahlia who is my biological sister. My parents(Chris & Diane) adopted me straight from the hospital! I came home a brand new, 3 day old baby. Then about a year later my parents also adopted my older sister when she was about 2 years old. I never knew, met, or lived with my biological mother like my sister did and up until recently we had only seen one picture of her.

Growing up knowing that I had been adopted never really bothered me, but it did kinda take a toll on my sister. She often wondered why our mother had to give us up and many other things and her curiosity had more of a "negative" effect on her. I was curious of course, but either way I didn't really care. I figured our mother had to have loved us enough to want us to live better lives than she thought she could provide.

As we got older we asked more questions. My mom(Diane) had told us that there was a possibility that we had another sibling, a brother, but she wasn't sure. My sister and I would often search for our mother online trying to see if we could find a number for her or any type of information. The only thing I ever really wondered about was whether or not she was alive. This past summer we searched a lot more, eventually I found a phone number and address on a website. We called but the number was out of service :(  and I was going to write a letter but I never got around to it. It was getting close to time for my sister and I to leave for school so I gave up thinking I could pick it back during winter break. 

Pretty close to winter break, one evening my mother(Diane) got a call from a girl asking to speak to Tricie. My mother was confused at first because the name rang a bell but who could possibly be calling my sister Dahlia by her nickname from before she was adopted? My mother asked the girl who she was and she said, "I'm Bridgette Spears' oldest daughter and I'm looking for my sisters". After talking for a while my mother asked her how she got her name and number and she told her she found her on a website for adopted children looking for their families. Apparently my sister had signed up for one of these websites when she was 15 and just left her information on their hoping it would bring us to our biological family someday.

Well I'M GLAD SHE DID! My mother waited until I came home to tell me all of this! IDK why lol but she said she didn't want me to be distracted from my work. But on the important stuff...

My sister, who's name is Bergitta, had also found our biological mother (Bridgette) which is how she found out about us. So now not only do I have another older sister, but I have 3 younger brothers! I was sooo excited when I found this out because no lie, deep down in my heart I KNEW I was meant to be a big sister:) lol. Their names are Zac (15), Quinton (10), and Peter (5), and Bergitta is 22. I also found out that Bergitta had been adopted by a couple in Iowa after being in foster care for a little while. My biological mother also lives in Iowa, which is where Dahlia was born, and my 3 brothers currently live with her. I guess I'm the only one that wasn't born in Iowa lol.

Now, the reason why I'm so excited about spring break is because my sister Bergitta is in the army and will be moving to VA for a little while. She's going to be stationed at Fort Lee which is a base in Petersburg and that's wonderful because Fort Lee is only like 30 minutes away from where I live in RIchmond!!!! (Well, with the way I drive I could get here in 15 lol)
My sister Dahlia is really lucky because she goes to Virginia State University which is conveniently located in Petersburg about 10 minutes away from where Bergitta will be. She left for VA yesterday and should be here by now I guess, I'm not really sure because I haven't heard from her since yesterday.
I'm so happy I'm going to finally meet all of my family; over the summer I will most likely travel to Iowa to meet my mother and brothers.
Well that's enough about my awesome discovery. Wanna see some pics??? OF COURSE YOU DO! lol Peter & BergittaQuinton

Zac

Dahlia          Me!

(In red our mother)

(In white Bergitta's adopted mother)

Bacon Says...It's story time :)

Audience: General adult audience


Detail: A copy of the Torah.

Character: A man shaving off his beard.

Setting: A tree house full of kids during a birthday party for adults.

Once of upon a time there was a little boy named Jimmy who was turning 5 in three weeks. He was so excited to be turning 5 because he knew that meant he could now have a pet dog. When his parents asked where he wanted to have his birthday party, he said “At the pet shop!” His parents didn’t agree with that location; they eventually chose the neighborhood tree house. Jimmy looked up different types of dogs he might like for the next three weeks and finally, the day before his birthday, he decided on a miniature pit bull.

At the same time that Jimmy was planning for his birthday party, some else was also preparing for an event at the tree house. Mack was 30 year old high school dropout who sold weed for a living and occasionally held events in the local tree house when he came to town. He was planning on having the National Weed Day Convention & celebrating his best friend's birthday in the tree house the same day as Jimmy’s birthday party!

The next day Jimmy and all of his friends gathered at his house at noon to walk to the tree house. His parents told them to go ahead with the other kids and they would be right behind them. So Jimmy and his friends ran to the tree house which was located four blocks away from his house. When they got there they were surprised to find that there was a group of men in the tree house putting up decorations. None of the kids knew what these strange decorations were but they thought his parents had down an autumn theme; his birthday was in October. When the group of men left the kids ran into the tree house and started playing with what they thought were miniature leaves.

About five minutes later Mack and his friends show up. They were already high so they didn’t know that the kids they saw playing with the Cannabis leaves were real. Mack and his friends decided to make a bet. Whoever was the last to catch one of the imaginary kids had to shave all the hair on their bodies. Mack said "Ready, set go!" and he and his friends started chasing Jimmy and his friends. Jimmy & the kids thought it was all a game so they played along. All of Mack's friend's caught one of the little kids except Mack. So, Mack headed to the bathroom to start shaving.

When Jimmy's parents finally walk in they find Jimmy and the other kids playing with the leaves and a group of men standing around the bathroom door with birthday hats on smoking weed. Jimmy's parents were shocked! They immediately got all of the kids out and then walked up to Mack's friends.They tried to ask what was going on but all of his friends were too high to talk. Jimmy's dad busts into the bathroom and sees Mack shaving off his beard and reading a copy of the Torah out loud. Jimmy's dad screamed "What are you doing!?" which startled Mack causing him to cut himself. He ran out thinking Jimmy's dad was a cop and all of his friends followed him out. They ran off into the distance before Jimmy's parents could get a good look at them.

Jimmy's parents called the police to investigate the incident since smoking weed in a public location was a very serious crime in their town. While the police searched the treehouse for evidence, Jimmy's party was moved to Jimmy's house. All of the kids had a ball at the birthday party, especially when Jimmy got is gift. His parents bought him a miniature poodle for his birthday and Jimmy was extremely happy.

The police never caught Mack or his friends and the town decided to have a sign up sheet for whoever wanted to use the tree house from then on out. They also did a periodic check in when parties were going on to prevent this from occurring again. They all lived happy ever after. THE END

Bacon Says...I'm numb, yet I feel your pain, but who feels mine if I don't?

You ever sit in a therapy session and think about how badly you need to see a therapist??? Some times I wonder, if anybody hears me...I mean I know you're listening, but are you really comprehending the things that I subliminally tweet about. Like how I've just about given up on life and so many times I've thought about really giving up on life, but I didn't...which leads me to wonder why? What keeps me getting out of the bed in the morning? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow? And how is this a rainbow if the only color I'm seeing right now is gray. I've been colorblind for a while now, and the only thing I see in color is the one thing I want to see yet know I shouldn't see...see there it goes again, that subliminal shit I keep spittin' out. Geeze, sometimes I wish I could just say what I really want to say. I await the day that I stop wondering, and wonder what will go through my mind, which is constantly wandering on subjects I don't think it should be focusing on.
Anyway, getting to the point, I express the things that other people feel because I'm not really sure what I feel...don't think I'm crazy, just know that this is what happens when your mind wanders on things it probably shouldn't wandering on, repetitive...but repetition leads to perfection, so pause, rewind, & repeat...you may catch something you didn't see the first time around.

Okay, enough bull shittin' here's a poem for you...

so um yea....no title again....response to dahlias why i don come home i guess
sorry its lng....n dnt b alarmed by its content lol...they're just words

I just cant giv up cuz i got too much to lose...
but dont get it twisted and dont get confused
cuz im willin to lose everything for the ability to choose
my own emotions...
cuz ur words are like potions...
theyre fuckin demandin and quite controllin
they make my heartache and my soul ill
& i hate the image n the mirror that reflects back
wen i see it its like cough cough...hack...
im sick so get da fuk back
so i open that medicine cabinet and get da pills
& i just stand there starin cuz i kno my pain they'll heal
i dnt believe dis shit can be real...
its like i wana sign a contract and seal the deal
and forever more i will live n my fantasy world
where i do as i please, runnin free again like a little girl
I hear music in my head which keeps me from going to sleep
dats y i ask u to sing to me
cuz da music i hear when im layin in bed is like a symphany
story of my life, shit is down rite depressing
i feel like im goin insane instead of going to sleep
Im lonely...
I just need someone to hold me
and im not desperate, im not talkin intamacy
Im talkin bout that touch so motherly
like when you'd hold me as a baby so tenderly
r u feelin me???
i just want things to go bak to the way they used to be
but i kno that can never be
so that sweet thought of suicide
a word that makes me feel like a failure even though ive never tired
so scared it wouldnt work sometimes i just sit and cry
but the biggest failure in life is what you've failed to try
so why keep puttin down the gun, why not grab that knife
when u cant think of nething worth living life

then i rmember, I just cant give up cuz i got too much to lose...
but dont get it twisted & dont get confused
cuz im willin to lose everything for the ability to choose
my own paths...
my life is a damn equation im living math
things aint addin up, i need to subtract
so if dat means u then u really cant b mad
i kno u think im wrong but im actualy not
i mite stick around jus to see u rot
cuz karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around
so instead of doin the deed ill jus skip town
and by the time i come bak i hope ur still around
so i can see u when u hit da ground
I can just imagine you fallin to ur knees
beggin for mercy, cuz hopefully, you'll see what ive come to be
and it'll be no thanks to you
and yet it will becuz all the shit you put me through.....has made me stronger
I live my life by false promises that things will get better
I call them false because promises are meant to be broken right???
I realize that more & more, steady tryna put it outta mind and you outta sight
I call them false because as I look @ my sister I see that things only progressively got worse
I figured when she left Itd be the end of her curse
and i was happy for her knowing that she'd be free
but things havent changed a bit, she gets dat second hand bull, shit just aint affectin her directly
So what do i have to look forward to???
when i come home for holidays & breaks da same shit i be goin through
Im so fed up with the bullshit, its like my head is full of it
and im just so sick and tired of it, but Ima try not to quit
cuz there's so many other ppl i couldnt imagine not bein wit
Ima keep puttin down those weapons of mass destruction
and stayin away from sites of construction
Ima avoid bein n your presence & hearin ur fussin
as i prepare for my period of reconstruction
thats rite im reconstructin....my life
and while some things will stay the same others wont
Im sick of your tired excuses so dont
you cant come bak in, my fogiveness you wont win, my life you cant live....so stop tryin
Im through with you
I may say some rude shit but deep down inside i love you
& regardless of what you do Im still finished.....
so i guess its that time of the month...end of the sentence(.)

Bacon says…I’m a bad bitch!

Nicki Minaj, Nicki Lewinski, Nicki the boss, Nicki the ninja, Nicki the Harajuku Barbie, and of course Nicki the bad, bad bitch. What doesn’t this new rap phenomenon call herself? No matter what you call her there’s no denying her entertaining rap skills.
I believe I first heard Nicki about 2 years ago from a friend who is very in touch with underground music. I only heard one song and I was hooked immediately simply because of her delivery. As I said in my previous blog I love female rappers so I quickly added her to my collection. I was definitely hungry for more music and more information on this crazy rapper who some may think is very similar to other female rappers like Lil’ Kim or Foxy Brown. Now I can’t deny the fact that she is very similar to them because she took the “sex sells” route, but can you blame her? Nicki is a very pretty girl and why not accentuate your assets? Like many women nowadays say, if you’ve got it flaunt it. But, what sets her apart? To me it’s her technique. Of course she is rapping about a lot of things Lil’ Kim rapped about but it’s different. I feel like she has such a “dude” mentality. Nicki is like the female Wayne for me, AWESOME! When I think of Nicki the first thing I think of is GRINDING SEASON. She talks a lot about “grinding” or working hard at whatever she’s doing no matter what that thing is. So for me, Nicki is like an inspirational speaker so to speak. She may not be saying “Christal hit the books” or “step ya school game up” but she when she says “step ya pussy up”, I can’t help but want to push harder lol, whether I’m doing work or especially exercising.

Last night during a Superbowl commercial I asked some of my friends why they liked Nicki Minaj. They were mostly males and surprisingly only one of them said because of her looks. The other males said that they like her “swag” and what she raps about, they just sometimes have trouble getting past her crazy voice. The females I asked like her for some of the same reasons I do. I like to say she’s very swagalicious! Lol, you can’t say she doesn’t exude confidence and high self-esteem. I think that’s why a lot of girls like her. Nicki isn’t just a rapper, to me she promotes self-love and self-respect. She may talk about sex a lot but one of the songs I feel stand out to a lot of people isn’t about sex at all. This particular song, Still I Rise, is about overcoming obstacles and making it to the top despite what everyone else is saying about you and despite the fact there are people out there trying to make you fail.

Other than her rap skills and personality, I love how she has come up with this world of her own consisting of barbies. I was never a huge “Barbie” fan but I kind of like the whole think, on the low! Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone I said that. I would NEVER put pink track in the back of my hair or die it, nor would I dress up the way Nicki does but I love her style. I love everything about Nicki, she’s definitely a bad bitch! Now she does make think very highly of herself and some may take that as being cocky or conceited and making herself out to be more than she really is, but I look at it as setting high standards and I’m excited to watch as she lives up to them.

Just for fun, my favorite Nictionary terms…yes she has made her own dictionary! Lol

Barbie Backhand : \ˈbär-bē-ˈbak-hand\ : verb

1: The act of using intense force while unexpectedly givin da back hand to a hata

Barbie Powers : /ˈbär-bē-pō-ər/: noun

1: to beam your thoughts to another Barbie without speaking.

2: to put a hex on strawberry shortcakes by wiggling your fingers at them.

Barbie’s Phone Number:

718-SIT-URASSDOWN

BEEN a fan : \bēn-a-ˈfan\ : noun

1: term used to describe a cornball.

Sentence : “hatin on who? Dat Bitch BEEN a fan”

Cater to your Ken Day :\kā-tər-ˈtü-yər-ˈken-ˈdā\: noun

1: One day a month when Barbie stops being a diva and grants her Ken’s every wish

Get off my Fone : \git-ȯf-mī-ˈfōn\ : noun

1: a swift dismissal of a stupid ass fone call OR comment.

Sentence: Excuse me??? Bitch!!! Get off my Fone!!!

Bacon Says...Music is my life!

Music...enough said, if only that was about 500 words! So I love music. It's been apart of my life since, pretty much I was old enough to know what it was and even before then I was all in the mix. My mother is a pianist and organist, basically for a lot of events in the City of Richmond. She started playing when she was five years old and got her Masters from Virginia State University. She also sings very well, I love her sweet, quiet tone. My mother started out playing for our church Saint Pauls Baptist, then when she started teaching she taught elementary music to the severly handicapped. Then she moved on to middle and high school. After a long time of teaching that she switched to elementary school, which is what she still does to this day. She is also the organist for First African Baptist church, one of the first black churches in Richmond. ALSO, my mommie plays for all the city school graduations and convocation. She also plays for weddings anf funerals and any other event you can think of! SO if you're getting married anytime soon, HOLLA!

Ok so back to my connection with music. My mother started me out on piano when I was about seven years old. I liked playing and all but not practicing, I stop taking lessons at about age 11. In the 3rd grade I also picked up the trumpet and played that until my 10th grade year in high school. Throughout the years I have also played the drums (snare, base, tymphani), the trombone, the basson, and the harp. My favortie was probably the drums. I've always loved the sound of the drum. I remember as a child my mother used to make my sister and I listen to classical music and we would play 'Name that Instrument'. So anytime we were in the car she would pop in a cd of an orchestra and we would have to name whatever instrument was playing at the time. I loved it, my sister not so much. I definitely wish my mother had taken my dreams of becoming the most famous female percussionist serious...but she didn't lol.

I love female artists, especially rappers. My favorite rapper is MC Lyte, she was definitely my idol growing up. I also like Missy Elliot, Trina, Eve, Lauryn Hill, Queen Latifah, Left Eye, Da Brat, Rah Digga, and now NICKI MINAJ. I feel like the best all around artist was Lauryn Hill hands down. She could sing her butt off and had some positive/deep messages in her all her songs. My new favorite rapper is Nicki Minaj. Nicki came up off of mixtapes and all her stuff is hot to me. She's also soooooo entertaining lol. She's one of those types of artist that comes out and EVERY girl wants to be like her. She has the whole "barbie" thing goin on right now, got every girl out there thinking they are a barbie doll, get real! But on a more serious note, I definitely respect her as an artist becuase I love female rappers. Other than female rappers I like a select few male rappers like Lil' Wayne, mainly for his work ethic. He too is a great lyricsit but he's also a businessman and he takes care of things, works HELLA hard, and gives back to the community. I also like Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Eminiem, Drake, and that's all I can really think of.
Other than Rap I appreciate all kinds of music, however my preferences are classical/opera, R&B, and gospel. My all time favorite artist is Micheal Jackson...no ifs ands or buts about it. He's the best. I really wish I had stuck with at least one of those intrusments and really mastered it, then I wouldn't be studying this boring engineering stuff, I'd be doing something fun that could possibly make me famous :)  and who wouldn't want Bacon to be famous???? Exactly!

If music isn't a part of your life...BaconSays, you're not really living, point black PERIOD

Bacon Says...what's love got to do with it?

My all time favorite movie in the entire world is Love & Basketball. Have you seen it??? If you haven't you should really think about watching it because it's great like Frosted Flakes!

So basically the movie is a love story between a girl named Monica (Sanaa Lathan) and a boy named Quincy (Omar Epps) who live next door to each other. They met at age 11 when Monica’s family moved next door to Quincy’s family. Monica comes from your average middle class family while Quincy’s dad is a professional basketball player. They like each other but nothing comes off this mutual “like” until they’re both in high school after the spring dance. They both play basketball and end up going to University of Southern California together on basketball scholarships. While Quincy started on the team, Monica had to work for her starting position. At first things were all good until Quincy’s father has to deal with a paternity case. Monica doesn’t realize it but she has to make a choice…love or basketball. She ultimately chooses basketball and ends up with the starting spot on her team, but loses Quincy as a result. This choice between love & basketball tore them apart as lovers and friends. Quincy drops out of school and joins the Lakers while Monica finishes college and then plays ball overseas. They lose touch and Monica comes home right after Quincy tears his ACL in a game. When she visits him at the hospital she realizes that she is still in love and wants to get him back, but he’s engaged! Two weeks before his wedding Monica brings up the issue to Quincy and he isn’t very happy about it. She offers to play him for his heart, he accepts. This last game between the two ends with Monica losing but Quincy realizing that he still loves her too. After all is said and done, Quincy and Monica get married, have a baby, and Monica ends up playing in the WNBA for the sparks!

Great story right???? If you haven’t seen the movie and you want to, hit me up! We can definitely have a movie night. It’s such a great movie that I know all the words LOL. But really it’s a great movie. I love basketball and I love movies about love, which is why I love this movie. I also fell in love with Sanaa Lathan. She is most definitely my favorite actress. You can also check her out in Something New, Out of Time, A Family that Preys, and many other movies. Omar Epps is one of my favorite actors and I love his role in House.

Check the movie out and let me know if you agree! I’m sure you will. So what’s love got to do with it??? Well I mean the whole movie is about choosing between what you love and who you love. This movie goes to show that sometimes you can have both. 